Motherhood

Motherhood. Being a mother. Mommy. Mom. Ma. Whatever you call it, there is no guidebook or instruction manual. My children are well taken care of. They have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their belly's. They don't get a lot of sweets and are always strapped in their car seats correctly.

I feel like I have succeeded in being a mother when people tell me BB is well behaved. Or that he uses his manners when I am not around.

Then there are days I feel like a complete failure as a mother. The last two days have felt like failure days. I have struggled to understand why my son does the things he does. I am sure it is something that I have done or taught him. So, how do I deal with what I taught? Well, lately it has been time outs, yelling or the occasional spanking.

I know that some of his behaviors have to do with the twins. He isn't the focus of the family any more, so he acts out. He pushes my buttons when I am nursing, or trying to sooth a baby. When DeDad gets home from work, BB then wants the attention from him that he hasn't gotten from me. By the time the kids go to bed, we are both spent. Exhausted.

I am home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Ok, not entirely true. I take BB to pre-school twice a week for 5 hours at a time. He is thriving at pre-school. And it gives me a small break from all of his energy. But he gets home and the whining, crying, "I miss daddy" starts. I then feel like a failure.

I don't know how to handle him. I have tried EVERYTHING!! I mean everything. There are times when NOTHING works. I struggle to find how to succeed in being a mother.

One day, maybe I will write an instruction book on being a successful mother. But before I do that, I will have to succeed in being a mother. So here goes! Maybe tomorrow will feel like a success.

No matter what, I am a mother. I am BB, MissB and MissK's mother. I may feel like a success some days and failure the next, but I will always be a mother.